Communication is Seriously So Hard: Why We Can Never 100% Understand Each Other
Communication is seriously so hard, isn’t it?
Talking to people, trying to empathize, bumping heads over opinions. As I interact with so many people every day, there is just one thing I really want to say today. And that is: People can never 100% empathize with each other, and it’s impossible to have the exact same image in our heads.
It might sound a bit cold, but it’s the absolute truth. The environments we grew up in, the emotions we’re feeling right now, the core values we hold—everything is completely different. There is zero chance we can stand in the exact same shoes.
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The Everyday Trap of “Why Don’t You Get It?”
Think about the little things in our daily lives. I bet you’ve experienced this:
Texting Response Times: You think it’s “common sense” to reply immediately, but the other person leaves you on read for half a day. You end up getting secretly pissed off like, “Wait, isn’t it normal to reply right away? Unbelievable.”
The “Can You Handle This?” at Work: You get a vague task, you do it perfectly in your own way, and then they get mad: “Why didn’t you do this part?” And you’re just standing there like, “Um, because you didn’t tell me to?!”
The “I Don’t Care” on a Date: They say “I don’t care where we eat,” so you pick a spot, and they make a weird face when you get there. You’re screaming in your head, “Dude, you literally said you didn’t care!!” lol.
All of these come from the exact same arrogant assumption: “What is common sense to me must be common sense to you.”
It’s great when you can imagine, “How would they think about this?” and when you share your thought, they actually push back and say, “No, I don’t see it that way.” That’s amazing because you’re actually exchanging ideas.
What’s truly terrifying is when that calibration stops. “Wait, you can’t even show this much consideration?” “Isn’t it obvious you’re supposed to do this without being told?” “My parents always did this for me (so why can’t you?)”
It’s this unconscious entitlement and dependency. We’ve all been there, right? I totally get it. We just end up judging people through the lens of our own “normal.” But there are as many different baselines for “normal” as there are people in the world.
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Stop Trying to “Match,” Start Trying to “Know”
So, in this massive world where we can never fully understand each other, how are we supposed to interact?
My conclusion: You can stop trying to “match” yourself to the other person. We are completely different humans. If you try to force two mismatched puzzle pieces together, something is going to break. If it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit.
The most important thing in communication isn’t trying to assimilate. It’s “going to know them with love and curiosity.”
“Oh, they are different from me. So, how do they view the world?” You don’t have to force yourself to match them. You just accept the differences and try to learn the outline of who they are. I think that attitude itself is what true communication is.
Communication is seriously so hard. But maybe that’s exactly why the process of getting to know an entirely different creature (a.k.a. another human being) is so incredibly fun.
Communicate is key and it’s about learning how someone else sees. Once you get that level done it’s so much easier. Marriage and children really make things challenging especially as they are growing. We say we will never make the same mistakes as our parents but we end up bringing forth the core principles even though it’s annoying. My dad used to lose it when I’d leave stuff in the sink, I’d get grounded all the time. Now that I’ve raised my kids, I’m the same way one side of the sink has to remain clean. I don’t understand when the dishwasher is literally right there why they drop everything in the sink. But in a way it keeps my dad close. He passed a long time ago but his memory still remains. I kept my last name when I got married so I’d pass it onto my kids especially my son who reminds me of my dad. They are born less than 24 hours apart on the day and month and I see so many attributes of my dad in my son. Thank you for bringing these memories to me today I needed that. 🙏🌸💕